"Somebody Shit on or Around the Coats Area"

Being an RA include quite a few unsavory duties. Luckily, cleaning up bodily fluids is strictly forbidden. So is using the fire extinguisher they put in our rooms. Clearly some rules are made to be broken. Anyways, once an incident is reported, emergency maintenance comes and handles the rest. Usually, since it almost always in the dead of night, they do a horrible job. Mmm, biohazards. Here's a list of the top five grossest fucking things I've had to report.

Number 5: Mystery Blood
This one actually just happened recently. Residents from another building came looking for an RA because blood kept showing up in their bathroom. Where was it coming from?? No one would fess up, but maintenance said it looked like an episode of "Dexter" in there. Sweet...HIV is awesome.

Number 4: Urine Cola
Ok, so say you are a guy, drunk as hell, and in your bed. Then you realize you have to pee. Apparently, getting out of bed is too much work so you take the empty 2 liter next your bed and piss in that. Beautiful. Then, the next morning you just leave your bottle in the hall or stairwell, or just whereever. It took us weeks to figure out who this asshole was.

Number 3: Vom.com
Sometimes you just can't make it to the bathroom. Sometimes you can, but you'd rather projectile vomit over the entire 10 feet of mirrored wall. It's all about preference.

Number 2: Peeing on the Go
This one was actually both hilarious and digusting. Someone had been peeing in the stairwells, and it was smelling terribly, but we couldn't figure out why until this night. I come around the corner and see some drunk freshie, pants around his ankles, peeing in the corner. He sees me, clipboard and on-call phone in hand, and books it down the hall, still peeing, pants around his ankles. I didn't have the heart to chase him. That and I was too busy laughing hysterically. Oh don't worry, he tripped.

Number 1: What the FUCK
Someone shit in the hall. Just in the middle, human feces. It wasn't my hall but damn! That's horrible. And honestly, how did no one see this mystery person just pooping for 20 or so minutes (trust. they needed at least that much time.) right in the middle of the hall!? Disgusting.