There are varying opinions of the police here at HC. The spectrum probably extends from complete and utter asshole to mild asshole. That's a lot of range to choose from. If you are an RA the cops are NOT your friend. They are not helpful and they certainly don't give a fuck.
In certain situations, RAs must call the po-po. One would be a fight or physical altercation of any kind. When they do show up (and believe me, they take their time so the fight is absolutely over) they are usually sauntering in with some smug look on their face practically giddy with shirking their work. Then they might ask five or six completely useless questions (i.e. "Is he actually a faggot?") and then leave. Thanks a fucking lot.
Other times, cops will storm the building on any sort of call. They are usually there on sketchy anonymous tips of pissed-off ex's or annoyed neighbors. Then, since they are not allowed to enter any rooms, they try and force RAs to open doors for them. (We are totally not allowed to do that, unless there is a signed warrant) I cannot count the number of kids I know that have had cops scream in their faces saying things like, "You are enabling abuse, he hits her!!" or "They're ruining lives with that dope they're selling" or my personal favorite "Do you think you can interfere in police business!?". Like they are even real police. Good try, pal.
Maybe there are good cops around, and maybe there are armfulls of people who have had good experiences with them, but I haven't met them and I hope I never do. They are probably full of shit. One thing the general public might want to know is that the campus five oh have been heavily lobbying to be allowed to tote guns. Power-mad, middle-aged crazies ready to fire at the slightest provocation in a area only populated with inebriated adolescents. This will end well.
Monday, September 28, 2009
"Somebody Shit on or Around the Coats Area"
Being an RA include quite a few unsavory duties. Luckily, cleaning up bodily fluids is strictly forbidden. So is using the fire extinguisher they put in our rooms. Clearly some rules are made to be broken. Anyways, once an incident is reported, emergency maintenance comes and handles the rest. Usually, since it almost always in the dead of night, they do a horrible job. Mmm, biohazards. Here's a list of the top five grossest fucking things I've had to report.
Number 5: Mystery Blood
This one actually just happened recently. Residents from another building came looking for an RA because blood kept showing up in their bathroom. Where was it coming from?? No one would fess up, but maintenance said it looked like an episode of "Dexter" in there. Sweet...HIV is awesome.
Number 4: Urine Cola
Ok, so say you are a guy, drunk as hell, and in your bed. Then you realize you have to pee. Apparently, getting out of bed is too much work so you take the empty 2 liter next your bed and piss in that. Beautiful. Then, the next morning you just leave your bottle in the hall or stairwell, or just whereever. It took us weeks to figure out who this asshole was.
Number 3: Vom.com
Sometimes you just can't make it to the bathroom. Sometimes you can, but you'd rather projectile vomit over the entire 10 feet of mirrored wall. It's all about preference.
Number 2: Peeing on the Go
This one was actually both hilarious and digusting. Someone had been peeing in the stairwells, and it was smelling terribly, but we couldn't figure out why until this night. I come around the corner and see some drunk freshie, pants around his ankles, peeing in the corner. He sees me, clipboard and on-call phone in hand, and books it down the hall, still peeing, pants around his ankles. I didn't have the heart to chase him. That and I was too busy laughing hysterically. Oh don't worry, he tripped.
Number 1: What the FUCK
Someone shit in the hall. Just in the middle, human feces. It wasn't my hall but damn! That's horrible. And honestly, how did no one see this mystery person just pooping for 20 or so minutes (trust. they needed at least that much time.) right in the middle of the hall!? Disgusting.
Number 5: Mystery Blood
This one actually just happened recently. Residents from another building came looking for an RA because blood kept showing up in their bathroom. Where was it coming from?? No one would fess up, but maintenance said it looked like an episode of "Dexter" in there. Sweet...HIV is awesome.
Number 4: Urine Cola
Ok, so say you are a guy, drunk as hell, and in your bed. Then you realize you have to pee. Apparently, getting out of bed is too much work so you take the empty 2 liter next your bed and piss in that. Beautiful. Then, the next morning you just leave your bottle in the hall or stairwell, or just whereever. It took us weeks to figure out who this asshole was.
Number 3: Vom.com
Sometimes you just can't make it to the bathroom. Sometimes you can, but you'd rather projectile vomit over the entire 10 feet of mirrored wall. It's all about preference.
Number 2: Peeing on the Go
This one was actually both hilarious and digusting. Someone had been peeing in the stairwells, and it was smelling terribly, but we couldn't figure out why until this night. I come around the corner and see some drunk freshie, pants around his ankles, peeing in the corner. He sees me, clipboard and on-call phone in hand, and books it down the hall, still peeing, pants around his ankles. I didn't have the heart to chase him. That and I was too busy laughing hysterically. Oh don't worry, he tripped.
Number 1: What the FUCK
Someone shit in the hall. Just in the middle, human feces. It wasn't my hall but damn! That's horrible. And honestly, how did no one see this mystery person just pooping for 20 or so minutes (trust. they needed at least that much time.) right in the middle of the hall!? Disgusting.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Us versus Them
So everyone remembers being a freshman in the dorms, and there were these things called programs going on fairly often. The purpose of these programs, especially in freshman buildings, is to garner a feeling of community. OHKAY. The only people who come to these programs are kids who are a) already drunk b) stoned and hungry for free food c) trying to get out of their room because they live with some weirdo or godforbid d) there is actually an interesting program happening. That last one is less rare than commonly thought.
Why is community so important to the powers that be? I am sure there are 1000 legit reasons proven by some study somewhere that communities are healthier enviornments. They probably are. But, when it comes down to it, fuck community. It is going to be RAs versus residents, us versus them.
RAs live in a weird state where they are surrounded by irresponsible peers that they must tend to. Imagine if you were a teenage shepard and your entire flock of sheep was tripping face on acid. Like that. So for the majority of the time, you want to befriend your flock, asking politely and being courteous. But when the shit hits the fan, you better bet that flock will go stock raving mad on your ass and you best have someone to back you up. This is why RAs stick together, to fend off mad acid goats. Or sheep. Or whatever that horrible metaphor was.
Oh! I've thought of a better metaphor. Soldiers in an occupied war zone. Yup. So when you are there, you want to make friends with the locals, and you hope for the best. But when the revolt occurs, you know your army buddies are covering you with the bazooka.
Anyways, enough metaphors. Basically, what I am trying to say is, your RA is not your friend. Unless they are. Exceptions to the rule happen, you know.
Why is community so important to the powers that be? I am sure there are 1000 legit reasons proven by some study somewhere that communities are healthier enviornments. They probably are. But, when it comes down to it, fuck community. It is going to be RAs versus residents, us versus them.
RAs live in a weird state where they are surrounded by irresponsible peers that they must tend to. Imagine if you were a teenage shepard and your entire flock of sheep was tripping face on acid. Like that. So for the majority of the time, you want to befriend your flock, asking politely and being courteous. But when the shit hits the fan, you better bet that flock will go stock raving mad on your ass and you best have someone to back you up. This is why RAs stick together, to fend off mad acid goats. Or sheep. Or whatever that horrible metaphor was.
Oh! I've thought of a better metaphor. Soldiers in an occupied war zone. Yup. So when you are there, you want to make friends with the locals, and you hope for the best. But when the revolt occurs, you know your army buddies are covering you with the bazooka.
Anyways, enough metaphors. Basically, what I am trying to say is, your RA is not your friend. Unless they are. Exceptions to the rule happen, you know.
In our own little world-
Although I can't directly compare, I'd imagine being an RA is like being heavily involved in greek life, where separate buildings are different fraternities and sororities. Just like greek life, buildings are arranged in pairs (according to location and style). Also, during the application process, you must go to several rounds of interviews and a social, and then you receive one bid that you may accept or decline from one building. And after a few years of working the job, you pretty much know every other RA.
Another similarity to greek life is that the different dorms each have their own reputation of people they will hire. Just like greeks want to make sure you can party, the HD (Hall Director) wants to make sure you can handle what goes down in their neck of campus. The following list will include each residence hall, their RA type, and why they need that type. Rated PG for posterity.
Freshman (Underclassmen) Buildings-
Life in these buildings vary.
--It might be that your building is filled with all "Undecided" majors. In which case your RA will most likely be a hardass that is on your shit all day. But don't stress, this is because you are probably in a building with kids with no ambition and only time to kill. Hello saranwrap.
--Or it might be that your building has all academically oriented majors, such as nursing or engineering. These building are usually nicer, because the college knows kids won't mess things up. In an instance such as this your RA will be timid and have no life. Probably because there is no need for discipline in the building. These buildings also tend to be smaller, which mean less RAs and more time on-call. Shitty.
--You could live in a horrible rundown warehouse. This is entirely possible. The way to check if this is your building: when you walk down your hallway, does it feel like it could be the inside of an insane asylum? If yes, your building sucks. RAs here usually do not give a shit and are lazy as hell. Why bother when some freshie is going to drunkenly mess things up in 5 seconds anyway?
--You might get lucky and live in a middle of the road building. These building are usually a random assignment. If you live here, rejoice! Your RA is probably the perfect mix of mostly gone and around when you need them.
Upperclassmen Dorms-
Ugh.
--These building tend to be horrible. They are old and run down, but usually the sophomores and juniors that live here are too drunk to notice anyway. The people that RA here are wicked chill. Smoking pot and drinking on weeknights? Just keep it down, guys. They don't need to deal with your alcoholism and theirs.
Upperclassmen Apartment Dorms-
Woot! These are lovely! If you live here, congrats, you either are fantastically connected or play a sport. Please don't light shit on fire in your kitchen, it evacuates the whole building. RAs here are the cream of the crop. There are no newbs in here, everyone knows what they are doing. That being said, they usually aren't around because cool kids live off campus. This is where I work, and while most of the hilarity occurs in Underclassmen housing, there is some quality shenanigans going on around here too.
Graduate Apartments/Alternative Housing
These housing options are for those folks that can't stand the normal hoot and holler of regular residence halls. Graduate housing? Geez, get a real house, you're old! But RAs here are usually just a bit off. Like how you put the misunderstood abstract painting in the back room where no one goes. Alternative housing RAs are super accepting. Just tell them you are going through a sexual identity crisis or something. They don't care, they have their own cook up here.
So that's basically the RA layout, and you can take my opinions for what they're worth. 2600 yen. That's $29.25 American.
Another similarity to greek life is that the different dorms each have their own reputation of people they will hire. Just like greeks want to make sure you can party, the HD (Hall Director) wants to make sure you can handle what goes down in their neck of campus. The following list will include each residence hall, their RA type, and why they need that type. Rated PG for posterity.
Freshman (Underclassmen) Buildings-
Life in these buildings vary.
--It might be that your building is filled with all "Undecided" majors. In which case your RA will most likely be a hardass that is on your shit all day. But don't stress, this is because you are probably in a building with kids with no ambition and only time to kill. Hello saranwrap.
--Or it might be that your building has all academically oriented majors, such as nursing or engineering. These building are usually nicer, because the college knows kids won't mess things up. In an instance such as this your RA will be timid and have no life. Probably because there is no need for discipline in the building. These buildings also tend to be smaller, which mean less RAs and more time on-call. Shitty.
--You could live in a horrible rundown warehouse. This is entirely possible. The way to check if this is your building: when you walk down your hallway, does it feel like it could be the inside of an insane asylum? If yes, your building sucks. RAs here usually do not give a shit and are lazy as hell. Why bother when some freshie is going to drunkenly mess things up in 5 seconds anyway?
--You might get lucky and live in a middle of the road building. These building are usually a random assignment. If you live here, rejoice! Your RA is probably the perfect mix of mostly gone and around when you need them.
Upperclassmen Dorms-
Ugh.
--These building tend to be horrible. They are old and run down, but usually the sophomores and juniors that live here are too drunk to notice anyway. The people that RA here are wicked chill. Smoking pot and drinking on weeknights? Just keep it down, guys. They don't need to deal with your alcoholism and theirs.
Upperclassmen Apartment Dorms-
Woot! These are lovely! If you live here, congrats, you either are fantastically connected or play a sport. Please don't light shit on fire in your kitchen, it evacuates the whole building. RAs here are the cream of the crop. There are no newbs in here, everyone knows what they are doing. That being said, they usually aren't around because cool kids live off campus. This is where I work, and while most of the hilarity occurs in Underclassmen housing, there is some quality shenanigans going on around here too.
Graduate Apartments/Alternative Housing
These housing options are for those folks that can't stand the normal hoot and holler of regular residence halls. Graduate housing? Geez, get a real house, you're old! But RAs here are usually just a bit off. Like how you put the misunderstood abstract painting in the back room where no one goes. Alternative housing RAs are super accepting. Just tell them you are going through a sexual identity crisis or something. They don't care, they have their own cook up here.
So that's basically the RA layout, and you can take my opinions for what they're worth. 2600 yen. That's $29.25 American.
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